Sunday, March 20, 2011

Worst Persons For March 20 2011
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While we reserve judgment on whether this country can in fact still participate in a four-day war, or if we've all been suckered into another economy-ruining foreign adventure for the benefit of the military-industrial complex, here is a rare weekend edition of the Worst Persons of the Day:

The bronze: Coultergeist. The bad news for Ann is that she has finally jumped the shark even among Conservatives. The good news is, there may finally be an explanation. She has written, and repeated on television, that the tense, terrifying, and still uncertain nuclear calamity in Japan is being hyped, because...large amounts of radiation are good for you:

...the only good news is that anyone exposed to excess radiation from the nuclear power plants is now probably much less likely to get cancer. This only seems counterintuitive because of media hysteria for the past 20 years trying to convince Americans that radiation at any dose is bad. There is, however, burgeoning evidence that excess radiation operates as a sort of cancer vaccine.

The studies she goes on to cite, of course, are premature follow-ups. The nightmare of radiation exposure is that the cancers it may produce don't all show up immediately, or even within 20 or 25 years. We may only begin to get a grip on Chernobyl, for instance, around 2016 or later.

Ann is always good for a laugh, of course – in the same way mean people laugh at the kid who flubs his lines in the 4th Grade Class Play:

I guess good radiation stories are not as exciting as news anchors warning of mutant humans and scary nuclear power plants — news anchors who, by the way, have injected small amounts of poison into their foreheads to stave off wrinkles.

Speak for yourself, Toots. Although I would opine that this would fully explain that glowing bio-hazard-sign quality to the color of her hair, which is reportedly visible from space.

The runner-up: Sister Sarah, the Half-Governor of Alaska. I don't think it's just the fact that I haven't been on television for two months that leaves me with the sense that her borderline relevance has actually dropped further still. A peck of Republicans was caught dismissing her as divisive and useless, and then from India we got a little peek into the depth – and the retroactivity – of her delusions.

Speaking at the "India Today" conference in New Delhi ('Wait, there's a new Delhi?'), she revealed a little too much during an exchange with the "Session Chairman," the newspaper's editor-in-chief Aroon Purie:

Palin: I don't play the victim card...

Purie: Why do you think you lost the election?

Palin: The media (laughs)...Candidate Obama had a strong campaign. Though he was inexperienced, he was change.

Purie: You could have been change.

Palin: I wasn't the top of the ticket!

So McCain-Palin lost because it wasn't Palin-McCain. And this is from a politician who within the last month has described a third-year President of the United States as "inexperienced."

That woman is an idiot.

But our winner: Little Jimmy O'Keefe, Boy Investigative Reporter. He's up to his old antics again, doctoring tapes in hopes of wreaking havoc among the hated left-wing media like NPR . Do you listen to NPR? If anything defines what's wrong with the supposed "left-wing media" it's NPR: condescending yet mealy-mouthed, dedicated to stuffing the most startling of Conservative usurpations through the deflavorizing machine, and when criticized, as resolute as a discarded straw wrapper in a hurricane.

It's also genuinely fascinating to watch the truly lost media mouthpieces of the far right continue to follow O'Keefe right off the cliff and miss entirely the fact that he has once again been caught as a dishonest, non-journalistic, corrupt tape-doctor (I'm thinking of mouthpieces like a Baltimore Sun columnist who regurgitates the talking points and denies the facts while insisting – and apparently, in a sign of deep mental distress, thoroughly believing - that he and he alone is being insightful and/or truthful while the rest of the world is made up of lying midgets).

But I digress. O'Keefe – one of America's great journalists when he's dressing up in an outfit that would make Huggy Bear burst into laughter, but 'just a misguided kid' when he goes in to try to illegally screw around in the office of a U.S. Senator – actually had the chutzpah to say this in a speech to some Tea Party clowns:

"What I do is expose things for what they are. I show that a triangle has three sides. And I do it on a video camera...What we do is we is we outrage people by what we show them to be true, and that is more powerful than any type of spin."

Out of context (the only kind of context O'Keefe endorses), those quotes don't seem so outrageous – until you realize that during the same event he insisted on stopping the videotaping by a legitimate reporter of his speech about the importance of videotaping.

James "Don't Tape Me, Bro" O'Keefe – the Worst Person of the Day!